Chapter 45 -

My body grew cold, and I struggled to pull myself together. I desperately wanted to believe it was a fleeting mistake—that I was merely confused after waking from an intensely vivid dream.

I hastily tried to sift through my memories. My recollection of the original world was relatively clear, but my memories of myself were different.

My name, appearance, family, where I lived, what I did—all of it was shrouded in a foggy haze.

"Why… why did I want to return to the original world in the first place? For what reason?"

I thought it was self-evident. I'd ended up in another body in an unfamiliar world; it seemed only natural to want to return to my original world and reclaim my body. It felt like what any human being would naturally seek.

"But why did I think that way?"

Because there was something I had left behind.

What was it that I left behind? What was it that I missed?

The first thing that came to mind was a fleeting figure from the dream I'd just had—her parents, waving at me, or rather, at Julia.

As soon as I recalled it, tears streamed down my face, a visceral reaction. Even though my rational mind told me it was impossible, my chest ached.

At the same time, a chill ran down my spine. I was gradually losing myself, as if… Julia was consuming me.

"I have to remember."

I struggled to recall my most recent memory—the events just before I ended up in this body. I had been on my way home after finishing work.

"What kind of work was I doing? How did I get home? Did I walk? Where was my house located? What did it look like? Who was there? Did I live alone?"

Darkness filled my mind. I couldn’t remember anything.

At that moment, I heard the creak of floorboards outside the door. My head shot up in alarm. Someone was passing through the hallway.

All my senses heightened. I hunched over, staring at the door. Soon, the creaking sound stopped right outside my room, followed by a soft knock.

"Lady."

It was Amon. I exhaled a trembling breath, feeling like I'd been abruptly yanked back into reality.

'Let's calm down.'

This was the knights’ quarters, and Amon was right outside. No one would harm me here.

"Lady, it’s me."

I buried my face in my knees, trying to steady my thoughts.

"Can you hear me?"

Amon’s low voice filtered through the door. For three days now, I had ignored him, yet his voice remained overflowing with concern.

"Whatever happened, please, at least eat something. Everyone is worried."

I closed my eyes and focused on his voice. Though I had no intention of replying, I paradoxically didn’t want him to leave. His voice was my tether to reality.

So I hoped he would keep talking to me, no matter what he said.

"Lady…."

A sigh punctuated his words. I could easily imagine how deeply worried this kind-hearted man must have been. Guilt pricked my heart.

"I’ll leave some food outside the door."

A soft clinking sound followed as he set something down, and then the hallway fell silent. Though I couldn’t hear him, I knew he hadn’t left yet, and that alone brought me comfort.

It was ridiculous. Amon didn’t even know who I really was. He only thought I was Julia, someone who had lost her memory. Yet, his presence was so reassuring.

When the floorboards creaked again, signaling his departure, I let out a long-held breath.

"Ha…."

In the end, even my connection with Amon wasn’t my choice. If not for that voice’s instructions, I would never have sought him out.

The only reason I approached Amon was because of one thing the voice said: that he was the only one who could give me what I wanted.

'Wait.'

My eyes snapped open. The reason I decided to pursue the true culprit alongside Amon—that was also because of the voice’s words. I thought catching the culprit would allow me to return to my original world.

'But Pamilla's words suggested that wasn’t the case.'

Thinking back, the voice never explicitly said it would return me to the original world. It only promised to grant me what I wanted.

'Does that mean returning to the original world isn’t what I truly want? That my wish is something else entirely?'

I lifted my head from my knees and straightened my hunched body.

If I could uncover what it was that I truly wanted—even if I didn’t know it myself—I might be able to figure out who I was and why this was happening to me.

'And to do that, the only thing I can do is….'

Find the real culprit.

Everything began with Russell’s death. That meant the answer must also lie there.

I stared at the postcard lying on the floor. A desolate desert seemed to call out to me.

"The stationery and envelope yielded no distinctive clues," Eloise reported while organizing documents in Amon's office.

"They’re mass-produced items available anywhere. Investigating that lead further would be meaningless."

"I see."

"Also, regarding the individual who delivered Boyd's letter, there was a report from someone who saw a person matching the description entering the knights’ building."

"Understood."

"I met with them in person for confirmation, but it appears to be a different individual. Still, I plan to keep their identity on record, just in case."

"Good."

"...Are you listening?"

"Good."

"The ink is spilling, Commander."

"What?"

Amon finally looked up in alarm.

"Are you all right?"

He had been so lost in thought that the quill in his hand had spilled ink, forming a small pool on the paper.

"Ah…."

Amon quickly salvaged the paper and replaced it with a fresh sheet, acting as though nothing had happened.

"Where were we?"

Eloise furrowed her brows. Normally blunt, she had been uncharacteristically polite with him lately due to her guilt over Boyd's case, but even she was losing patience.

"Is this because of the lady?"

"...You mentioned a witness?"

"It’s only been three days. Is there any reason to worry so much just because she hasn’t left her room? Especially when she herself requested some time alone to think?"

"She didn’t say she would skip meals."

"She has water and snacks inside her chamber, does she not? Let me remind you that during Baron Modex's disappearance case, the three of us survived on a single piece of bread for over a week."

"That’s not the same—"

"And back then, you said as long as no one was dying, skipping meals was perfectly fine."

Amon fell silent, glaring at the door as if it were a barrier hiding Julia from view.

"But isn’t the lady different? She hasn’t trained like us. She’s afraid of cramped or dark spaces."

"Hmm…."

Eloise shrugged after a moment of thought.

"That’s true. The lady does have a delicate side."

Amon’s scowl deepened as if regretting his earlier actions.

'I shouldn’t have left those two alone in that room that day.'

No matter how much she insisted, he should have stayed. He should have been there to protect her.

When the door opened that day, Julia had been pale and trembling. At first, he thought it was just the shock of Pamilla’s sudden death, but her reaction was too severe to be explained by that alone. Something must have happened in that room.

The image of her frail shoulders, which looked like they could be crushed in a single hand, lingered in his mind.

Someone like that had been skipping meals for three days. The scene of Julia collapsed on the floor, unable to move, replayed in Amon’s mind.

'What if she’s already unconscious? What if she’s inside, waiting for help?'

"Eloise."

Amon looked up with a grave expression.

"Yes?"

"We... must break down the door."

"...Pardon?"

"The lady is clearly in danger. I can’t just barge into her room, so it’s better for you, as someone of the same gender, to go in. You can handle breaking down the door, can’t you?"

Eloise blinked in disbelief.

"Of course I can, but—"

Just as Amon rose with a fierce determination to act, there was a knock at the office door.

"Who is it? This had better be important—I’m in the middle of an urgent meeting."

"It’s me."

The voice stopped Amon in his tracks. He moved so quickly that Eloise was startled.

The door swung open abruptly.

"Lady!"

Standing in the hallway, Julia wore an apologetic smile, her expression full of guilt.

"You were worried, weren’t you? I’m sorry."

"Why… why on earth… do you know how much I… no, more importantly, are you all right?"

Amon quickly scanned her up and down. Julia smiled brightly as if to reassure him, nodding firmly. At least outwardly, she seemed like her usual self.

"I’m fine. I came to speak with you."

She held out a piece of paper she’d been holding.

"This is the postcard containing the desert area, isn’t it?"

Why bring this up all of a sudden? Hadn’t she locked herself away over what happened with Pamilla?

Looking visibly confused, Amon listened as Julia said something completely unexpected.

"I need to learn how to ride a horse."

After three days of isolation, that was the first thing she said, as nonchalantly as if nothing had happened.

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